Unsigned Books

A Modern-Day Fairy Tale  

From the lost and found chronicles of the Queen Mary Anne, a pirate ship that had long been forgotten, comes a story too incredible to be true. How these annals have exactly reached us is surrounded in the same thick mist the ship seemed mostly to have been sailing through. How these pirates were ever even able to have found land, as they could not see even one inch ahead of them, is as great a mystery to us as it was to them. Here is the part of the story that we have been able to recover from the highly illegible scribblings.  

Aboard the Queen Mary Anne, having sailed through thick mist for what seemed like ages, two bearded and able-bodied sailors – well, pirates to be more precise – were in a deep slumber. It must have been weeks since they had last set foot on land, and provisions were nearly depleted. However, there was still plenty of rum left, and wasn’t that all that mattered? 

As the dawn was breaking, the first rays of sunlight – after so many a day of complete whiteness – were piercing their way through the thick clouds cutting them like a hot knife sliding through a hard piece of butter. It hit the sailing master right in the face waking him up in an instant. Rubbing his bleary eyes and scratching his buttocks he looked round and did not immediately know where he was or what had passed. He seemed to have lost his sense of time and place. Patting his body, he checked if he was still all there and whether he was hurt. He was not, as far as he could tell. Vague images of a recent past passed through his foggy mind but he could make heads or tails out of them.  

He made his way from the main deck, stumbling through what looked like the stern castle, towards the sleeping quarters. Here he found the bosun, still asleep in his hammock, and woke him up with a gentle tap on the shoulder.  

“Bosun! Bosun! Wake up. Where is the captain?” 

A weary answer came, “I dunno. Have not seen him for a while.” 

“Where are we going?” 

“I dunno. Ask the captain.” 

“Where is he?” 

“I dunno. Have not seen him for a while.” 

It was then that he noticed there was a dead body in one of the other hammocks. Pointing in his direction he asked, “Who is the dead man?” 

Looking over the sailing master’s shoulder towards where he was pointing his blackened finger, he answered, “I dunno. Ask the captain.” 

“Where is he?” 

“I dunno. Have not seen him for a while.” 

The sailing master looked round but could not see another living soul. so, he left the bosun swinging in his hammock, and went searching for the captain. At last, he found him in the galley lying on the floor.  

“Oh captain. My captain. Where are we going?” he asked. 

“I dunno. Ask the bosun. I dunno where he is, though, have not seen him for a while.”  

“Who is the dead man?” 

“I dunno. Ask the bosun.”  

His head hurt from something that must have hit him. He felt a lump on his head. Maybe he had fallen and hit his head. It was all a big blur. He nearly stumbled over the navigator while searching for a bottle of rum.  

“Navigator! Where are we going?” 

“I dunno. Have you asked the captain? 

“I have not seen him for a while.” 

“Well, if you do, tell him we are out of salty beef and are running low on beans. We need to find land as soon as possible. We need provisions, man.” 

The bosun, having fully awakened, met up with the surgeon on the quarter deck and engaged in a small conversation. “Have you any idea what happened to us? I have no recollection of much. Have you?”  

“Well, last thing I remember was … no, I have no idea. But it must have been something.” 

“It seems to me, though, that the mist is dissolving. Have you any idea of where we are?” 

“I dunno. Have you asked the sailing master?” 

“I have not seen him for a while.” 

“Let us not fret, the sun is coming out. It is going to be a glorious day.” 

Sure enough, the sun was shining with all its might and the mist seemed to have cleared around the ship and lo and behold, there was land in sight. The parson was the first to see it and he yelled out to the coxswain who was near him on the forecastle.  

“Land ho! Land ho!” His enthusiasm was as big as his surprise.  

“I can see that, parson. Go tell the captain. Have you any idea where he is?” 

“I have not. I have not seen him for a while.” 

Just as the parson was about to leave to find the captain, the coxswain tugged him by the shoulder and pulled him back. Aghast, he stared into the distance as he nearly pushed the parson overboard showing him what it was that he saw. “Do you see that, parson!?” He shouted into his ear. “What the hell is even that?” 

In the distance creatures with fishtails instead of legs were lying in the sun on the sands of the unknown land. Slowly but steadily, they got wind of the oncoming vessel. They signalled to each other, staring into the distance at the two men staring right back at them. More came out and then other creatures gathered there, too. Some flying, some crawling, but none truly and fully human.  

“Go warn the others!” the coxswain said and pushed the parson away. “I’ll tell the master gunner to get ready, just in case. Be swift about it, man!” 

The parson had no idea where the others were and just ran around like a headless chicken screaming his lungs out. He noticed the first mate coming down the main mast and asked him if he had seen. “No, I have not, for I was blinded by the sun.” 

“Well then, have you seen the captain, he needs to know.” 

“I have not seen him for a while. Speak up, man, what have you seen?” 

“Creatures, I tell you. Creatures unlike you and me.” 

“Are they friendly?” 

“We are not sure. Go and get the others and be prepared for anything.” 

The next people to come out to have a gander were the fiddler and the cabin boy. Looking out at the land coming closer, they noticed how the creatures were heading their way. They did not look friendly. The fish people were carrying spears of some sort and the birdlike beings appeared to be carrying a kind of cannonballs in their claws. Wading into the water they saw what looked like half human half zebra monsters with bows and arrows.  

“Is the master gunner ready?” 

“I dunno. I have not seen him for a while.” 

“We must either turn around or face the evil coming our way. Where is the captain?” 

“I dunno. I have not seen him for a while.” 

“Christ man. Get the others.” 

It was not long before everybody but the master gunner was on the forecastle deck. The two bearded men in their torn clothes stared in despair as the birdmen came nearer and were about to drop their cannonballs onto the deck. Down below they could see the fish people with their spears ready for a fight. As the first arrows from the zebra creatures pierced their sails, the quartermaster ran for his life. He did not get far, for the first cannonball that was dropped landed right on his head and he dropped onto the main deck.  

The first mate knew they were fiercely outnumbered. What was keeping the master gunner? He had no time to think, he needed to act, but what to do? He did as the parson had done, and ran for his life. He made it to the sleeping quarters when the ship was hit by arrows, spears and cannonballs from every direction. How long it lasted no one could tell for sure, but it could not have been long for soon a quiet seemed to have come over the ship again as well as another thick mist.  

It was a ray of sun that woke up the sailing master lying on the main deck not knowing where he was or what had happened. His head hurt, but he did not seem hurt otherwise and after a quick check he decided to have a look round to see if he could find anybody. Not having a clear focus he managed to get to the sleeping quarters where he found the bosun sleeping soundly in his hammock. A tap on the shoulder woke him up.  

“Bosun! Bosun! Wake up. Where is the captain?” 

A weary answer came,” I dunno. Have not seen him for a while.” 

“Where are we going?” 

“I dunno. Ask the captain.” 

“Where is he?” 

“I dunno. Have not seen him for a while.” 

“Who is the dead man?” 

“I dunno. Ask the captain.” 

“Where is he?” 

“I dunno, I have not seen him for a while.”