Unsigned Books

A Modern-day Fairy Tale

It was winter and the annual winter fair was right around the corner. The townsfolk were getting ready for a wonderful day out. This year they would have the latest ride coming to their very own town: the Ferris Wheel. People were looking forward to this gravity-defying contraption, and had put some money aside just so that the entire family could have a go. Also, the latest potions, ointments and remedies would be demonstrated by highly educated men and women. Usually, huge discounts would be given to those willing to be subjected to live treatments. Honest Ed was travelling with the annual fair for the first time. He believed he had the ultimate cure for a persistent problem.  

They were setting up everything on the fairgrounds. Passers-by would gaze in awe at the builders setting up the Ferris Wheel. Without any fear, seemingly effortlessly, they would climb the rickety scaffolding moving to and fro in the strong winter winds. Their hammers hitting at the wood could be heard throughout the city as the wind carried the sound many a mile. People were anxious to try it, and could barely sleep wanting so desperately to ‘touch the sky’ as was promised and advertised. Posters and flyers were spread, and even free admission tickets were handed out to lucky townsfolk that happened to be in the right place at the right time.  

Honest Ed had set up his wagon and stage right next to the Ferris Wheel. He got lucky this time. So far, he had had to settle for a desolate place behind the candy floss stand owned by Tiny Tina. Contrary to her name, she was huge. If she was not selling her candy floss, she was one of the stars in the live Freak Show and would take the stage right after the bearded lady and before the strong man. She was 6.8 feet tall, and she made any man look like a midget ready to be the next star on tonight’s freak show.  

It was snowing on opening day. What better time for a premiere! People were flocking together at the entrance, and tickets were sold by the dozen. Soon a long queue had formed in front of the Ferris Wheel. Honest Ed’s stage was facing the queue. A minstrel hit his stage playing what appeared to be some kind of jingle people had never heard before. It was rather catchy and the third time round, some started singing along.  

The curtains behind the minstrel opened, and Honest Ed was standing right in the middle of the stage next to a block of wood covered in blood. On it were two devices with sharp, shiny blades in them. It was a ghastly sight and at first people were rather appalled. But Honest Ed, a true showman, knew how to divert the attention and focused the view of the people in the queue on his weird appearance and on the wild gestures of his hand of which one was holding a flaming torch.  

“Ladies and Gentlemen! May I have your attention, please! For Honest Ed cures what ails you. Permanently. Guaranteed!” 

He minstrel played the jingle again and the people were indeed distracted from the horrible sight of the red chopping block.  

“Are your hands cold? Do your fingers feel numb and frozen? YES! But no more, good people. For, I am Honest Ed. Would I lie to you?” 

Some of the onlookers held up their hands showing their warm gloves. They yelled at him like hecklers do.  

“We have these, good man.” 

“Don’t these keep our hands warm on days like this?” 

Honest Ed waved it away with a flick of the hand. “Old-fashioned! Costly! Impractical. And what’s more, only temporary.” The minstrel chimed in and the remarks from the critics could not be heard over the music and the singing. After the jingle, Honest Ed pointed to one of the wearers of gloves. “Tell me, good sir, how much for a pair of those gloves?” 

“Three shillings. You can’t beat that, old-timer.” 

“Oh my, for not even half that amount, I can give you a permanent solution. Would I lie to you? Tell me, good sir, how many pairs have you bought so far?” 

“This is only my third pair.” 

“Pah, when I am through with you, you will never need to buy any again. Ever! And your cold hands will never bother you. Guaranteed. Would I lie to you?” The jingle was perfectly timed, and people sang along happily while killing time in the long queue.  

“Bollocks! Prove it!” Came the shouts of another heckler.  

“My good sir, step right up, and I will show you for free. Normally, a shilling. One shilling for thee. But I will do it for free, and you will see. No more will cold hands be a bother for thee.” 

The robust man stepped out of the queue and onto the stage under loud applause from the standers-by. The minstrel played the jingle as Honest Ed placed the torch into a holder right next to the chopping block. He took the gloved hands of the man and nimbly pulled the costly things off uncovering the most beautiful pair of hands he had ever laid his eyes on.  

“Sir, you are about to be shown the latest in medical history. Please, before we start, could you sign this form?” 

A scroll was presented covered in fine print using terms no one was familiar with. Pretending to read through the agreement and understanding every single word, he nodded and hummed. Then he placed his hand with the feather in it on the scroll and signed his name. “Gooooood. Now let us commence. Place your hands inside these little holes, and bite down on this piece of wood. No more cold hands for you, ever!” 

Everybody held their breaths as the minstrel played a soft tune. The customer’s hands were placed inside the holes. The torch was extinguished. The stage was covered in darkness. A blanket covered the contraption holding the hands. A click. A push. A muffled scream. Honest Ed knew what he was doing. Would he lie to you? He put the red hot torch under the blanket causing more muffled screams. People in the audience could not clearly see what was going on but were anxious to see the result. The torch was lit. Lights hit the stage again. Honest Ed was holding up the man’s gloves.  

“Tell me, good sir, do your hands feel cold?” 

“No, they do not. I cannot feel a thing.” 

The blanket was pulled away from the block and all could see the hands were gone. Two blackened stumps at the end of the arms were all that was left. “No more cold hands for you. Ever! This, ladies and gentlemen, is the future! You too can be cured! For just one shilling you will never have to suffer the blistering cold. No longer will you have to buy expensive gloves. That’s not all. I will even throw in this free ointment that will get rid of any inconvenient after effect you might suffer. Behold the cure, ladies and gentlemen. Who’s next!?” 

The minstrel played the jingle as loud as he could, and the Ferris Wheel was soon forgotten as people queued to have their problems solved by Honest Ed. Would he lie to you?