Unsigned Books

The Life Series

At some point in time science was invented. Some believed it was an act of Satan to lead people astray. Others believed God created science as an attempt to suicide. If not thus, then at least a subtle way of Him to tell the world ‘Bugger Off’. The world did not. This aggravated Him very much. He did, however, immensely enjoy watching scientist getting the wrong end of the stick. It was his comic relief. To mankind it was serious business. In this story we find two scientists in their natural habitat: the laboratory.  

“What are we dealing with here, Marcus?” 

“It is life, Jimbo, but not as we know it.” 

On the slab before them lay a creature they had never seen before in their lives. Urban legends told of the existence of beings such as this. It was often said that government had always been in the know. Articles abound. Some writers even went as far as to say that the beings might have been created by the people in control and placed in a secured environment that was cut off from their civilisation. Non-believers wrote it off as conspiracy theories. Who would believe that the government had actively been hiding bodies of these things? Yet, here it was. Right in front of their very eyes. They still could not believe it. No one would believe this.  

“So, what can you say about it, Marcus?” 

“The reproductive organs seem to be intact, and I reckon we are dealing with a male subject here. Underneath this flap of meat, we found a rather small, yet functional and fully developed penis. This, of course, is an adult specimen. Our colleagues a couple of rooms down the corridor are working on a much younger item. From what I have heard, the size of that one is laughable and incapable of producing what these beings needed to reproduce.” 

“Highly interesting. Do we have any female specimens, too?” 

“So far, these are the only two we were given to work with. It is a start. Hopefully, we will be sent a female version soon. That would answer a lot of questions we have.” 

Marcus took a scalpel and cut into the well-preserved cadaver. It was a ghastly sight. The putrid smell penetrated their masks and made them gag.   

“Look at this. To me, these look like fully developed vocal cords. What do you reckon?” 

“By Jove, Marcus, you might be right. Were these things capable of speech?”  

“It would appear that way, Jimbo. Though I do not expect them to have been as intelligent as we are. See, up here. The size of the brain and the head implicate that they could never have been very smart.” 

“So, what you are saying?” 

“If they were capable of speech, it must not have been more than just reproducing sounds. They just copied what they heard. Their vocabulary must have been pretty limited.” 

“Does this not contradict the information we already had? We found some of their dwellings, didn’t we? I thought those indicated we were dealing with a rather intelligent life form.” 

“My guess is, Jimbo, and I am going out on a limb here, that maybe they were more intelligent once. Further investigation might support my theories. On the other hand, maybe it was just the males that were stupid, and the females were the more intelligent ones.” 

“I can’t wait to get my hands on the female specimen.” 

Marcus lifted up the flap of meat that covered the penis. With surgical precision he cut off the entire bits and held them up in the air.  

“Marvellous. So small, yet so effective. How did it work?” 

“Well, let’s have a look.” 

He laid it down on another slab and made a small incision.  

“See this, Jim. It looks like their reproductive fluids came from here and left the body through this tube. If I am not mistaken, it must then have been put inside the female reproductive organs to create offspring. Whether or not it grew inside the body remains to be seen.” 

“Incredible. So primitive. So vulgar.” 

“I am not sure whether this information should be shared with our people. They might be shocked. Appalled even.” 

“They must have reproduced at an incredible speed, right?” 

“I would almost say that these species reproduced at the rate of bacteria. Spreading like a disease. They could not have survived otherwise for they must have been pretty unintelligent judging by the size and capacity of their brains.” 

“Were they self-conscious beings, Marcus?” 

“They must have been at some point. I dissected the brains and studied them for quite some time. What I gather, is that their brains diminished in size over time. There was enough room in the head for more. They just sort of shrivelled away, I guess. Parts that they stopped using just shrank and a thing called evolution just took care of the rest. In the end they must not have been more than just self-replicating DNA.” 

“Is that what caused their demise?” 

“Yes, it was nothing more than boundless human stupidity.” 

“Such a shame, though, don’t you think?” 

“I think, Jim, it was for the best. Earth, the planet they inhabited, seems to be so much better off without them. Look at how thriving and rich it is now. Nature took back what they had once stolen, and it a much healthier planet now than it ever was.” 

“I guess you’re right. Well, let’s call it a day. I have seen enough. Cover it up and let’s file in the reports. Maybe our world will one day be ready for this. Until then, let’s be thankful we are nothing like them. The mere thought, dying out of stupidity. Unthinkable.” 

(Inspired by Terry Bisson’s short story ‘They Are Made Out Of Meat’)