Unsigned Books

The Dialogue Series

“And here, son, we come to the heart of my organization. This is what this company is all about.” 

“What is it, daddy?” 

“I am glad you asked, lad. Everybody, say hi to my son, Junior. Junior, say ‘hi’.” 

“Hi.” 

“Marvellous. Haha. Yes, great. Isn’t he lovely? Only four years old and so smart already. What were you asking? Ah yes, what we do here. This is where we put the trigger warnings on the films made by the filming industry. Do you know what they are? Of course you do. Isn’t he the next Einstein? Marvellous.” 

“What is it, daddy?” 

“Take this film Henry is working on at the moment. You are working on it, right, Henry?” 

“Yes, sir. I reckon I am halfway through now.” 

“Of course you are. And, tell me Henry, are there any handicapped persons in this film?” 

“Handi-capable, sir.” 

“Ah, yes, quite right. Did you come up with that word yourself?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Marvellous.” 

“Thank you, sir.”  

“Much less triggering than handicapped, disabled, crippled, special needs, or differently abled. I salute you, Henry. You sure know your way with words. Always coming up with something new that is less triggering and offensive. So, you put a trigger warning label on it about this handi-capability?” 

“Of course, sir.” 

“See, son. Now people know that if they want to watch this film, there is something in it that might trigger them. We don’t want people to be triggered, now, do we? Of course we don’t. Being triggered is even worse than being hung, drawn and quartered. It’s a barbaric crime that we most avoid at all costs. Don’t we now? Of course we do. Tell me of any other trigger warnings, Henry. Any characters of colour, for example?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“So, it might be racially offensive? You put a trigger warning on it about that?” 

“Indeed I have, sir.” 

“Marvellous. What else?” 

“Horrible creatures, sir. Scary bits, too.” 

“Oh my, did you write that down?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“What a horrible film. It can’t get any worse, can it?”  

“Stereotypes, sir. Lots of them.” 

“Ooooh, that is a problem now, isn’t it? Of course it is. Might want to put that in bold print.” 

“I will, sir. There is also a neurodivergent character in it, sir.” 

“Ah, I see. Neurodivergent, son, means that the brains work in mysterious ways. Different from the likes of you and me. We need to be extra careful when watching those films. It might trigger emotional collapses, outrage, and sometimes it even results in a person taking their own life. Tell me, Henry, are they somehow mocking this neurodivergence?” 

“I believe they are, sir.” 

“Good grief. Why is this film not banned yet?” 

“It is an old film, sir. People used to believe this was funny somehow.” 

“I can’t believe how people saw any fun in such serious matters. Mockery is soon to be abolished by law, I am sure. Label it as triggering and put a copy of it in the ‘soon-to-disappear’ files. This is absolutely horrific.” 

“Indeed it is, sir.” 

“Have you watched it, Henry?” 

“I had to, sir.” 

“Indeed. Of course. We can’t pay you enough. Go see the psychiatrist after work, Henry. You will need it. Tell me, Henry, what is the name?” 

“Of the film, sir?” 

“Yes, Henry, haha, of the film, of course. Marvellous. Such a funny bloke you are, Henry. Always quick with the wits.” 

“It is called ‘Finding Nemo’, sir.” 

“I don’t think I know that one. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish as soon as the new laws are passed. Carry on, Henry. Come on, son, that will be enough for today. Carry on, everybody. You are doing great jobs. The world owes you their sanity. Thank you on behalf of myself and everyone on this planet for making the world a better place. Mockery … good grief. Can’t have people mocking each other. Cor blimey.”