Unsigned Books

The Dialogue Series

“I heard they are taking.” 

“What … ? Do you mean … ?” 

“Yes, that is exactly what I mean.” 

“Who told you?” 

“Jenny. You know, the blonde with the big eyes and heavy make-up.” 

“Can we trust her?” 

“Her intel is always solid. Remember last year with the bonuses?” 

“Best day of my life that was. It was a blessing from above.” 

“Yeah, I know. Took the missus out to dinner and everything. We still had enough left after for two weeks of fat meat and even a bottle of the bubbly stuff.” 

“We bought a wedding dress for our daughter. Not a fancy one, of course, but prettier than we otherwise would have been able to afford.”  

“See. If Jenny says they are taking, they are taking. You bet your bottom dollar.”  

“Do you think I have a chance?” 

“Why not. You have been with the company for what, forty-five years?” 

“forty-seven. forty-eight if you count the one year as an intern. Although, that is usually not taken into consideration as you might as well have been put to work someplace else. They do that you know if your work is not satisfactory. You remember Phil, don’t you?” 

“Yes, but your work was. You were. You have always done a good job and been a reliable employee. Phil was just not cut out for this line of work. Man, they will have to let you go, won’t they. What with your resume and all.” 

“Of course, I have not been ill a lot and did not always take up all of my holidays. Gradually worked my way up, and I must have put in a lot of overtime in those years.” 

“See, you are as good as on your way out. And don’t forget that year you took on extra work because of Joseph’s predicament.” 

“I nearly forgot about that. Imagine all the free time I will have. Have you heard of any others applying?” 

“Not really, though I heard Osman mumbling something along similar lines.” 

“Osman? He’s been here for, what, thirty-two years? Who does he think he is? They will probably bin his as soon as they read his name at the top of the application form.” 

“DOA.” 

“Meghan has been with us for fifty years; she stands a fair chance.” 

“That woman will be here until the day she dies. She has been in the same department since she started her job here, and everybody doubts whether she has ever even left her desk. No husband. No kids. No life. Probably no bladder either. No, she needs this job. They will have to carry her out on a stretcher and straight into the hearse.” 

“I had better start writing then. What does one put in a resume anyway? I have never applied for unemployment.” 

“I don’t think anyone on this floor ever has. Those who did apply have been let go. I can’t help you there, Conrad. Maybe Jenny knows. If I see her this afternoon, I will ask.” 

“Isn’t there a manual for this? Guidelines written down somewhere? Internal memos?” 

“Never heard about those. Only thing I know is that you pick up the application form and hand it in along with your resume. Listen, Jenny will know. She has her sources. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Thanks Fritz. Fingers crossed then.” 

“Fingers crossed, Conrad. I am rooting for you.”  

— 

“So, Conrad, isn’t it. I see here that you have been with us for forty-seven years. Is that right?” 

“Forty-eight, sir, if you count the year as an intern. Sir.” 

“Yes, well, we don’t now, do we?” 

“No, sir. That is what I told Fritz.” 

“Fritz. Do we know Fritz?” 

“No, sir. I eeeuh. We. He works in the same department, sir.”  

“I see. He is not here with us in this room now, is he?” 

“No, sir.” 

“Let’s focus on you then, shall we? What made you decide to apply for unemployment, Conrad? And, please, don’t mention the years you have worked for us. You know very well that they don’t mean anything to us.” 

“I know, sir. You see, sir, We, that is, my wife and I, have been putting aside a little bit of money, so we could spend the last of our days on one of those retirement cruise ships. I even brought one of their folders, if you care to see. Sir.” 

“I don’t, Conrad. You do know that we print those, right?” 

“Yes, sir. I designed this one myself.” 

“I see. A cruise ship. You want to be unemployed so you can spend some time with your wife on a cruise ship?” 

“Yes, sir. You see, we have never really been on a holiday. As you can see on my resume, I did not ….” 

“Yes, I can see that, Conrad. But you could just take up two weeks of holiday and go on a cruise. You must have something better planned than this. You do know we only have five open spots for unemployment. You don’t want to be wasting government money now, do you?” 

“I would love to spend some time with my granddaughter and of course there is the prospect of finally learning to play the guitar, sir.” 

“The guitar? Now here is something I don’t hear every day, Conrad. How old are you now?” 

“I am seventy-two, sir. I figure if I live up to be eighty, I will still have enough time to learn to play and write a couple of songs. Maybe even start a band, sir.” 

“A band ey? That sounds like a nice idea. Will unemployment benefits cover the costs for one of those guitars you are talking about?” 

“My son-in-law is a carpenter, sir. He has been busy saving up enough materials to build me one.” 

“Have you got a name?” 

“Conrad Mitchel, sir.” 

“I know that, Conrad. For your band, I mean.” 

“I was thinking along the lines of The Legendary Orchestra of Love, sir. I felt it had a nice ring to it.” 

“We disagree on that point, Conrad. But I can see you have thought it through. Well, I guess then, Conrad, it is time for us to let you go. Your unemployment benefits will be well-spend.” 

“You mean that, sir?” 

“Judging by your resume and your ideals, I see no reason why not. The world could use some music. I will tell Jenny to make everything in order.” 

“What about Fritz, sir?” 

“What do you mean? Well, he was going to be the drummer, sir.” 

“Are you saying you won’t leave without him?” 

“If it is not too much trouble, sir?” 

“He did not apply for unemployment?” 

“No, sir, he didn’t. But he’s been here at least as long as I have and is already seventy-five. He can already play, sir.” 

“Five spots, Conrad.” 

“I know, sir. I’m sorry.” 

“Well, I guess we can keep Osman here for another few years. Consider it done.” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“So long, Conrad. Go out there and be Legendary.” 

“I will, sir. We will. Goodbye, sir.”