Unsigned Books

The Dialogue Series

The shop was new, and he was old. Their grand opening was the week before and word had spread quickly. He was in the neighbourhood and reckoned he’d have a look himself. Not that he needed anything. Just a bit of browsing around. Maybe they’d have something to his liking. He doubted it, though. 

At the entrance he was greeted by a wonderful lady holding a silver tray of cookies. There were dozens of them greeting everybody in person and offering them a wide variety of these treats. Most people just took one and walked in not even thanking the ladies handing out free food.  

“Good day, sir. Welcome to Alpha Omega. Would you like a cookie?” 

“A cookie? How much are they?” 

“They are free, sir.” 

“Free? That’s a novelty. Is that why everybody is so crazy about coming here?” 

“I don’t know about that, sir. Would you like one?”  

“What’s in them?” 

“Chocolate, nuts, some sugar and salt, a little bit … ” 

“Oh, I am on a very strict diet, ma’am.” 

“We have a wide variety of cookies, sir. Would you like to see our list?” 

“I’d rather not. I just want to pop in and out, if you don’t mind.” 

“You could, of course. But a cookie would surely make everything a lot better.” 

“I don’t see …. Are there drugs in them?” 

“Drugs, sir? No, I don’t think so. It is just that our employees feel that this enhances your experience here. Things are so much better inside with a cookie.” 

“What kind of cookies have you got?” 

“Sugar free, dairy free, oatmeal, vegan, gluten free. You name it and we will probably have it. Here’s a list of all our cookies and their ingredients, sir. Just say which one you would like.” 

“I think, I’ll pass. If you don’t mind, I would just like to go in and have a quick look around.” 

“Of course, sir. Wendy will be here to assist you?” 

“Wendy? Do I know her? Should I know her?” 

“No, you don’t know her, sir.” 

“So, if I have any questions, I just come down here and ask for Wendy?” 

“No, sir. She will be right behind you. No need to go looking for her.” 

“Are you saying she is going to follow me everywhere I go?” 

“Yes, sir. Everywhere you go inside our shop.” 

“Is that standard procedure?” 

“Absolutely. It will make your shopping experience so much better. Just like having a cookie. Are you sure you do not want one?” 

“No, thanks. Can I go in now?” 

“Go right ahead, sir. Should you change your mind. My colleagues on the other floors will be there with more cookies.” 

The old man walks into the store and heads to the men’s clothing. It is a very large shop. Everything a person could possibly want they have. No wonder people like coming here. Clothing in all shapes, styles and sizes.  

“You are looking at the sweat pants, sir. Maybe you are also interested in our hoodies, trainers, or socks?” 

“Who are you?” 

“I am Wendy, sir. I believe my colleague mentioned me?” 

“Ah, yes. This is a bit creepy, you know that.” 

“Is there anything you’d like to know about this product, sir?” 

“Not really, no. I was just looking. Do you also have b…?” 

“Books? Badminton rackets? Bathing suits? Baskets?” 

“Books. Yes. Do you have them?” 

“Please, follow me, sir.” 

He followed her to the second floor, declining all the cookies offered to him along the way. The nerve of some people taking more of them as they make their way through the shop. They are probably not on a diet.  

“Could you specify what you are looking for? Children’s books, young adult, fiction, non-fiction, foreign, special interest? 

“I uuh, well, I hadn’t given it much thought. Non-Fiction, please.” 

“If you would like a cookie, sir. It would make this experience so much better.” 

“No, thanks. I’ve already been offered one and I don’t think I want one.” 

“As you please, sir. Here we are. Non-Fiction. Enjoy, sir.” 

“Yes, thanks Wendy.” 

“I see you are looking at a biography on the Beatles, sir. Did you know other customers also purchased books on The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, and Madonna?” 

“How would I know that? Why would I want to know that?” 

“I am just saying, sir. Maybe you are also interested in books on gardening, origami or oil painting?” 

“What kind of advice is that, Wendy?” 

“I am sorry, sir. This is your first time here, isn’t it?” 

“Yes, how did you know?” 

“The more items you look at, the better your experience will be, sir. My advice will improve over time.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The more you select, the better I know what you are interested in. This will surely enhance your experience.” 

“I just want to browse around in peace, if you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all, sir. I see you are holding a book on Hits from the 80s, sir. Would you like me to add it to your shopping cart?” 

“What shopping cart, woman? I did not take a shopping cart. I did not take a cookie and I did not ask to be followed around by a Wendy! Can’t I just browse around on my own? What is wrong with you people?” 

“I am sorry, sir. I do not understand your request. Do you want me to take you to another department?” 

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to leave. Do I need a cookie for that, too?” 

“No, sir. The exit is right through here, sir.” 

“Do you want me to save these items for you, sir?” 

“What items are you talking about?” 

“The book on the Beatles and the Hits of the 80s, sir?” 

“I don’t want them. Forget about it.” 

“Thank you for your visit, sir. I hope you found what you were looking for. If not, please let us know. Alpha Omega is always looking to improve their services. On a scale of one to five, could you tell me what you thought of the shop, sir?” 

“Zero! This is rubbish.” 

“I am sorry to hear that, sir?” 

“What can we do to improve our services, sir?” 

“Leave me alone. Good day!” 

“Thank you for visiting Alpha Omega, sir. Have a nice day.”