Space, as it turned out, was not the final frontier. What was once referred to as black holes are now known to be Space Eaters that are chewing away at space and everything in it in a quite ungraceful manner. They are doing it either consciously or unconsciously, swallowing everything whole and sending their meals to a place that astronomers have dubbed Subspace; the final frontier. It is the unlit basement of the universe where not even Claud knows what is happening. And I know Claud doesn’t know, for I have asked him. I have asked him great many times, but answers there have come none.
The idea of a multiverse was appealing when it was introduced in days of yore when the skies were still blue and roads free from heavy traffic. Then filmmakers took control of it, things got too complicated, companies lost money over it, filmmakers dropped the idea. A group of conscientious scientists scrutinised it for years when area 281 smelled government grants Unfortunately for them it had to be sent to the files of Myths and Fables after minor unsatisfying results and unforeseen political changes. The end.
A similar fate could have been reserved for the Long Earth theory, had it not been so ridiculous in the first place that it never made it past the infancy years. Film makers did not go near it. Scientists never got a chance to touch the theory as it had disappeared into Oblivion before the blink of an eye seeing that it was not even worthy of the files of Myth and Fables. It would still have been in there now, had it not been for my short, chubby, and cheeky colleague with his big nose that he likes to stick into everybody’s business but his own. For some odd reason, I am quite drawn to the idea of a Long Earth.
What we were and are left with is a finite space and a subspace of unknown qualities. Finite, I say, yet vast. So immensely vast and finite that there are some down there on Earth who suppose it to be infinitely finite. These people are either incredibly intelligent or finitely stupid in an infinite way.
A very special kind of stupidity is reserved for a select group of Earthlings called Flat Earthers. For reasons unbeknownst to Claud and me, they still believe, without any substantial evidence, that the Earth is not spherical and have managed to incoherently refute the idea of a toroidal planet. The Earth is as round as a pancake. Not only that, but space, as far as they call it that, is just as flat. According to their books of codswallop, one can only travel through space horizontally.
Falling off the edge of space seemed a funny yet plausible thought when launched, but that thought was later deemed illogical. The more intelligent nincompoops realised that being able to fall off an edge would mean that at some point beyond space there would be a place where flatness stopped. This, as you can undoubtedly understand from their point of reasoning, was not just an improbability, but an absolute impossibility. Everyone believing that theory is, therefore, a heretic. Those nonbelievers are, in some way or other, ostracised and considered considerably stupid by a group of utter morons.
Despite their differences on whether there is an edge or not, neither of these two groups have yet been able to fit the moon nor the sun – let alone all the other planets in our solar system – into their quirky theories. Both, therefore, consider the moon landings fake and only the start of a worldwide space travel hoax brought forth by the elite in another lunatic attempt of trying to control the masses. According to these Flat Earthers and Flat Spacers, I am not out here on Claudius One in my cramped quarters with a closed curtain trying to keep out the depressing endless blackness surrounding us. So, where am I?
